Giambi's Thong in High Demand

By now, you've probably heard about Jason Giambi's tiger-striped thong - the one he wears to get himself out of a slump. You may have also heard that Giambi has loaned out the thong to Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Johnny Damon, Robin Ventura, and Robinson Cano. "All of them wore it and got hits," Giambi told the LA Times. "The thong works every time."

Since the story broke, a number of athletes have come forward asking to borrow Giambi's buttfloss. Here are just a few of them:

1. Richie Sexson - unless Sexson snaps out of his slump, he could be seeing more time on the bench, or traded to a team in need of a 6'8" Oregonian. Sexson is hitting .200 with 7 homeruns.

2. Jim Thome - he still has an "okay" .345 OBP and 23 RBI. But the .203 average suggests that Father Time might be catching up on the 37 year old...that is, until he gets his hands - or cheeks, rather - on Giambi's T-Bar.

3. Nick Swisher - Swish has never been a batting championship contender, but he was expected to do better than hit .213 with 4 homeruns and 13 RBI. Besides, when you think of players willing to wear another man's thong, wouldn't Nick Swisher have to be on that list? I think he might wear it even if he wasn't in a slump.

4. Paul Konerko - um, is this the third White Sox on this list? That's not a good sign, Chi-Town. Maybe Ozzie Guillen should take a turn with Giambi's banana hammock.

5. Ryan Howard - sure, the 10 homeruns are nice. The 25 RBI are okay. But the .191 batting average is a far cry from the .313 he posted in 2006, and even the .268 he had in 2007.

6. Travis Hafner - hitting just .228 with 4 homeruns and 20 RBI, Pronk may benefit from a go-around with Giambi's salami sling.

7. Andruw Jones - Jones is slumping so bad, he might need some extended time with Giambi's wedgie. Hitting just .167 with 2 homeruns and 7 RBI, I think Andruw Jones is in something more than a slump. This is like an entirely new thing I've never heard of before. I think Barry Bonds is putting up better numbers in 2008 than Andruw Jones.

8. Vladimir Guerrero - though not hitting quite as poorly as some others on this list, Vlad's .259 average with 4 homeruns and 22 RBI is a far cry from his career averages. However, having seen how Vlad gunks up his helmet, one can only imagine what he'd do with Giambi's dance belt...and that's just gross.