Florida is 911 Crazy

First, they screwed up a presidential election - now, Florida is flooding 911 with stupid. According to this report, a man called 911 - not once, but twice - because a Hard Rock Casino slot machine stole his money. On second thought, that's brilliant. I'm headed to Vegas in a couple weeks, maybe I'll give it a shot.

The second story concerns a Floridian man who called 911 to tell them that his Subway sandwich did not have sauce on it. Seriously. He called 911 because he was deprived of his Subway sauce. Employees ended up locking the dude out of the restaurant. Contrary to initial assumptions, the sauce-deprived man was not Jon Gruden.


It's stories like these that make me think this country should just sever its Floridian appendage. Seriously - let's just let it drift off into the Atlantic. Maybe trade it for Cuba - they have better cigars and better baseball prospects, anyway. All Florida gives us are Disneyworld and orange juice. But we already get that from Southern California. So, really, Florida brings nothing to the table.