Jamaican Track Star Should 'Bolt' for the NFL

(First, before I even begin this post, let me sulk* indulgently in that witty title..........ok, let's get to it).

How many NFL coaches would jump at the chance to plug a 6'5" athlete who can run 100 meters in 9.69 seconds into their special teams unit? How many NFL coaches would love to see the fastest man on the planet burn defenses on his way to the end zone? But above all - wouldn't Bolt jerseys fly off the shelves faster than the man himself?

(OK, I'm sorry, I promise that last sentence will be my last hacky line in this post).

This is why I propose what seems like a no-brainer to me - NFL franchises should be knocking on Jamaican track field superstar Usain Bolt's door as soon as he returns from Beijing. The man is a physical specimen. Here's a guy who is TALLER than Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, and Chad Johnson. He'd also burn each and every one of them in a sprint, probably even back-to-back-to-back without rest. This dude runs faster than Chad Johnson flaps his gums. (OK, sorry, that really is the last hacky line). But while we're talking about flapping gums, we also need to acknowledge the fact that Bolt has the personality for the NFL. Did you see him showboat before finishing the 100 meters? Not only did he win the gold, but he set a world record - while SLOWING down! WITH HIS SHOES UNTIED! Ridiculous. The kid has charisma.

Obviously, my proposal is faced with the argument that football is much more than north-south running. There's a lot of cutting, spinning, hitting, shedding, etc. going on in the gridiron. I understand that. But that's the stuff you can teach. You can't pull a 6'5" kid off the street and teach him to destroy world records. And I'm not saying make the guy a WR or a RB, though I wouldn't completely dismiss the idea of him being a deep threat receiver in case he is a quick learner. But have him handle the kick returns. If he works out, you've got a guy who can be even more dangerous than Devin Hester. Perhaps the only people that would feel the pressure more than the kicking team would be EA Sports, who would be forced to bump Bolt's speed up to 100+ in Madden.

So take Bolt - give him the opportunity to live the lavish lifestyle he'd probably appreciate. Give him the opportunity to show up fools not every four years, but every Sunday 16+ weeks of the year. Give him a year or two to see if he's got what it takes. If he doesn't? Oh well. You can't blame the club or Bolt for giving it a shot. At the very least, it's a great marketing deal for the NFL on the heels of Bolt's Olympic success. And for Bolt - he'll still have a couple years to prepare for the 2012 games in London.

*Obviously, I meant to say "soak" and not "sulk." But I'm not going to change it so everyone can see what a talentless hack I am. English majors everywhere are shaking their heads at me.